Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
