Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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