After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
