Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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