It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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