Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
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