Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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