i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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