Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
