i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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