____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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