any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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