I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Randomize
