If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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