Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
