I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
