Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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