Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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