i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
