Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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