I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
