Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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