i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
