PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
