Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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