is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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