I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
