This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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