I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
