the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
