just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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