The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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