i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
