i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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