it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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