I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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