So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
