And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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