I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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