nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
