Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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