Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Plan B is the new Plan A
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
