We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
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The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
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Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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