i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize