I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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