I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
