I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
