The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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