you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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