i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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