I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
