If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
