Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
