Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
