do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
