Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
