I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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