question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
