So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
