On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
