Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
