Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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