thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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