Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
