your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
