i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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