Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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