Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
