So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
