Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
