i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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