Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
